A scary conversation with my seven-year-old on the topic of death.
While watching some old-time gospel music concert with my boys last night, my eldest son ask me;

Son: Daddy? Do you like this music?
Me: yes I do.
Son: would you like to attend this concert?
Me: of course, I would.  Why do you ask?
Son: ha! You can’t
Me: why?
Son: It’s not real, it’s just cartoons on TV.
Me: no it’s not. why would you say that?
Son: where are these people now?
Me: well, I guess some are still alive, but most are dead.
Son: Dead?
Me: yes
Son: You mean they recorded them on camera before they died?
Me: Yes.
Son: Did they get old before they died?
Me: I guess so.
Son: Daddy, would you die when you get old?
Me: Yes.
Son: mummy too?
Me: yes.
Son: daddy, would I die too?
Me: everyone dies
Son: I don’t want to die. (visually disturbed)
Me: silent….thinking of what to say…
Me: well, you’ll be very old before you die. (trying to reassure him)
Son: will it hurt when I die?

Now I sat up and drew him close to me trying my best to change the subject.

Me: nobody knows when they would die.  All we do is make to most of what we have now.  We should be thankful that we are alive every day.  That is why we pray in the morning and the evening thanking God for sparing our lives.

Son: only old people die?
Me: no, anyone can die.
Son: so I can die, and my brother too?

Not sure what to say, my mind racing for the most reassuring answer, I pretended I did not hear the question.

Son: daddyyyyy!, can I die now?
Me: only if God allows it.
Son: so God can stop us from dying if we are good?
Me: Well, yes He can, but sometimes children still die. Many children have died in Ukraine because of the Russian war.
Son: I don’t want to die. Can someone come and make us die?

Things are getting complicated now…. where is all this going? I can hear the fear in his voice, for the first time he realizes that life is not just all play, sleep, and eating.

Son: can we pray to God so that we never die?
Son: daddy I don’t want you and mummy to die. I don’t know how to cook, if you die, who gives us food?
Me: don’t worry, we are not going to die.  We would always be here for you.
Son: So you were lying?
Me: no, but we would be here for as long as you need us.
Son: why do we die?
Me: people die for lots of reasons, some die from accidents, others get too sick, or run over by a car.
Me: this is why you must obey your parents all the time, you must be mindful of how you play, cross the road, avoid sharp objects, and children must be careful at all times.  People who are careful and don’t disobey can live for a very long time and not worry about dying.

I found a way to change the subject and drop some good instructions

Son: would they come back after they die?
Me: Jesus can bring them back to life when he returns. But only if they are good
Son: how?
Me: Because he is God.
Son: so we have to be good all the time so Jesus can make us not die?

Me: yes. Have you read the story of Lazarus? He was Jesus’ friend. He died and Jesus brought him back to life.
Son: it is on Superbook?
Me: I’m sure it is.
Son: let’s watch it.
Me: it’s late, maybe some other time. It’s time for bed, your brother is sleeping already.

As he left for bed, I could not help but start to wonder what must be going through his mind, he seemed very disturbed by the idea of his parents dying and who would take care of him and his brother.

I remained on the floor where we sat for a long time wondering if I died today, who would take care of my boys.  Have I prepared them enough? what could I do differently to prepare them for the realities of life?  No one wishes to die before their children, but this unfortunately is true for many today.  Years ago, I had contemplated suicide, but I could not get over the thought of my boys growing up knowing that I bailed out on them.  I know what it feels to have those who should care for you bail out on you when things get tough.  How could I do this to them?  As I thought more about my conversation with my son, I wondered when is the best time to introduce your children to the concept of death.  And more importantly as a Christian when do I introduce them to my belief in the resurrection and the return of Jesus?

I got up early the next morning, very sure that my son would like to continue from where we left off last night.  So as soon as they got up I took them into the garden to help do some weeding and pruning.  After about two hours of gardening, we came inside for breakfast.

Immediately after breakfast was over, my son asked, dad can we watch Lazarus on Superbook? This boy does not forget.

As we watched the story of Lazarus and then on to the crucifixion, death, and resurrection of Jesus, I realized that instead of trying so hard to explain why death, I could talk about what’s possible on the other side of death and how we should be

prepared for a life without sorrow, sickness, and death.

There are so many things we are going to have to explain to our kids as they grow up as parents, if we get it right, we can shape a future for them that’s full of confidence and hope.  Get it wrong, and our kids grow up ignorant or worse still with a twisted understanding and misplaced priority of the negatives of life here on earth.

Train up a child in the way he should go truly is about showing them enough examples of life and how to navigate its challenges so that when they eventually have to walk this life’s journey on their own, they have the experience and guidelines they can follow.  For though they may walk through the SHADOW of the valley of death, they shall fear no evil, for the rod of discipline and the staff of instruction shall comfort them.  God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of a sound mind.

It is very important that as parents we deeply research and carefully break down these difficult concepts of life here and the hereafter to our children with much prayer and honesty.  When a child learns early in life to understand the limits of humanity and to appreciate the providence of God in their life, then they can truly live no matter what tomorrow might bring.