Domestic violence is deeply rooted within the fabric of society today and spreads across all social, religious, racial, economic, and geographical locations. It is often difficult to identify at the beginning, and thus victims may endure abuse for long periods before adequate help is received. The immediate and long-term effects this abnormality has on the victims and society should be a cause for concern for everyone.

The UN defines domestic abuse as a pattern of behavior in any relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner, spouse, or intimate family member. The main essence of such violence is control over the victim; The perpetrators utilize and inflict fear on the victim by physical harm, sexual manipulation, financial control, or Emotional damage.

Historically women and children are recorded to be the recipients of domestic violence. However, studies show that men are also victims of domestic violence, specifically, verbal and emotional abuse; and increasing on social media posts, men are observed to be precipitants of physical abuse in the home.  A woman may not necessarily be loud, harsh, aggressive, or directly disrespectful to her husband, but alternatively may subtly humiliate, devalue, tactically exploit him or become passively aggressive.  Men who are victims of domestic violence often remain silent because of the social stigma regarding male victimization and abuse.

Apart from the physical injuries incurred from domestic violence, the psychological effects may be more damaging. Injuries may heal, but the trauma may last for a lifetime. These range from high-stress levels, guilt, startle responses, panic, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and suicide.

Domestic violence in any form destroys one’s sense of security. The very place an individual is expected to get their security, support, and care now has become the source of pain, fear, and neglect. This leaves the victim with an unhealthy view of themselves and the world around them. A child who is afraid of making mistakes because something terrible might happen to them tends to withdraw from the world and loses any sense of exploration and inquisitiveness elements that are vital to a child’s development and understanding of the world around them. On the flip side, some children approach life with aggression highly unnecessary but in their eyes essential for their survival. They go on the offensive and lose their basic humanity and sensitivity to others’ pain. This is observed in children who become bullies often reflecting on some past experience of abuse they have received.

Society is not spared from the effects of domestic violence. A society is made of families and the quality of those families within its territory. When a society ignores the plight of victims of domestic violence or in some cases encourages its perpetuation by welcoming laws and practices to justify abuse in the home, such a society is exposed to the side effects of domestic violence. The violence eventually spills over into our schools, churches, our marketplaces, and even the hospitals. Victims of domestic abuse have their interactions with outsiders somewhat colored by their experiences. “hurt people hurt people”.

Perpetrators who operate unchecked within their homes and bare no consequences for their actions are more likely to conduct themselves in like manner outside the home. Also, others are encouraged to imitate such detestable behavior as there are no apparent repercussions. A cycle of violence is been created.

One of the more damaging impacts of domestic violence occurs when the victim believes that they have somehow contributed to the situation and so they accept the abuse without raising any alarm.  Victims whose self-esteem has been so badly broken by the damage may inadvertently become sympathetic towards their abuser. In some cases, the victim becomes protective of the abuser in an attempt to manage the situation. Fear also takes over and paralyzes the victim from seeking help as they may believe that any exposure may provoke their abuser even more putting them in harm’s way. That is why so many abused victims stay in the home longer than they should because they have come to believe that they are a part of the problem. When someone has been violated or abused repeatedly and the person has no way of escape that person has been reduced from a human being to an animal. Such a person has been caught up in a cage of circumstances. The more people feel they are not adequate or they are not good enough, the less they can contribute to the growth and development of society.

So many factors contribute to propagating abuse in the home. These include;

Societal influence: If you grew up in a society where it is acceptable for a man to be physical with his wife and the society doesn’t necessarily frown at it, a child raised in such an environment will grow up thinking that’s acceptable. Western cultures enforce laws that prohibit or even punish such actions. Children grow up knowing that there are rules against actions like this. It doesn’t stop it, but at least, there will be consequences if you engage in that kind of behavior.

Hereditary: Children may be predisposed based on hereditary traits from their parents. Studies have shown that children who are exposed to domestic violence at home, are more likely to eventually grow to be abusive themselves. If a parent has uncontrolled anger issues and has displayed lordless behavior in the home, chances are, the children may also pick up on their habits and do likewise.  The family culture towards conflict resolution and discipline may set the tone to which children respond to conflicts of their own.

Religious and Belief Systems: The major religions promote peace and discourage violence, however, abusers have long cited religious texts as a basis for their violent actions. Where the Bible says “spare the rod and spoil the child” parents have used this as justification to cause bodily harm to children. Husbands have quoted “I chastised those that I love” as supporting the physical beating of their spouse. Many verses in the Qur’an have been interpreted as justifying violence against others. The flip side of these interpretations also encourages victims to endure and be patient with their abusers. Under the premise of long-suffering, many have gone to an early grave. Religious beliefs and teachings play a greater role in domestic violence than originally imagined. It is very difficult to overcome one’s belief system even in the face of imminent danger. Believers must be encouraged to apply common sense when dealing with the causes and effects of domestic violence.

Social-Economic Influence: Money does not guarantee a happy home, but its availability if managed properly, can improve the quality of life lived in the home. Where funds are tight, tensions rise, and if uncontrolled, disagreements tend to escalate and may even become physical. Other factors that may encourage and trigger abuse in the home include; standard of living, social media influence, disparity in educational background, health status, and others. Recently, social media has increasingly become part of our daily life, however, a lot of the video content on social media celebrate violence in many forms through humor and comedy skits. Subconsciously we are learning to accept violence. We have learned to laugh at people’s pain and hurt.

Also, there are instances where ‘Gang mentality’ or societal expectations have led some men to feel threatened when their ego has been bruised or they have been disrespected in one way or the other, the only way to protect their integrity is when they exert their dominance by abusing or victimizing their partner.

Substance Abuse: the influence of drugs and abuse of substances that impairs our ability to reason are may contribute to domestic violence. Oftentimes, those who perpetrate this violence in the home are sometimes under the influence of a substance such that when sober afterward, they regret their actions. Since they do not have control over their reasoning, their ability to control their temper is greatly reduced.

How to avoid Domestic violence

Individually and collectively, we must remain vigilant to the signs and triggers of domestic violence. More education is needed in our homes to enlighten parents about the mistakes in parenting that contribute to bad habits in children that left unchecked, metamorphose into violence in the home. “Train up a child in the way he should go” speaks more to leading by example so that children have a template to follow when faced with life’s challenges. This is not a license to cause bodily harm. Children learn more by observing what adults are doing. We must be careful to show a better example of controlling our emotions when faced with frustrating situations.

The government must be committed to enforcing laws that deter and punish domestic abusers. Where the laws are slack or unclear and open to different interpretations, those with the stronger influence bend the law to suit their actions. Every responsible government should ensure that its weakest citizens are adequately protected.

Husbands and wives must invest more in learning better communication skills to air their differences maturely than resulting in intimidation or brutality. Good communication skills can eradicate a multitude of friction in the home. Parents must practice good communication with their children, especially in difficult times ensuring that issues are the focus and not the persons.

Believers must be willing to accept the whole truth and not opt for selective and isolated readings which may be interpreted to suit personal desires. The message of peace and tolerance is widely preached throughout religion and if accepted can make a huge difference in the lives of its believers. The song says “with Jesus in the family, happy happy home” when we learn to submit ourselves to a higher power, He has promised to take care of our burdens. He says, “vengeance is mine.”

More needs to be done to promote help groups, councilors, and therapists within our communities. Many victims do not know where to turn to. Oftentimes, they are looking for a stranger they can share their problems with without the fear of alerting their abuser. It is important that such help groups be given support from the government to operate at minimal expense thus encouraging experts to start such services.

Together we all share a collective responsibility to protect each other. At all times, we must be our brother’s keepers.